"Orgasm control" has entered the sexy dictionary.
Well, it certainly doesn't hurt to try. In fact, it seems to be encouraged.
"Orgasm control is trending because there is an increased awareness of us all achieving greater sexual happiness," says Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney (opens in new tab). "Lots more couples became sexually adventurous [during COVID] and one of the new techniques they tried was orgasm control."
So what is the buzzy word all about? Allow Knight to explain.
What is orgasm control?
Essentially, the term is exactly as it sounds: controlling either your orgasm or your partner's O by either forcing, denying, postponing or extending sexual bliss. Sometimes it's a combination of all four. (But do be aware, when with a partner, it's always essential to get consent.)
"Have you ever changed how you were touching yourself because you wanted things to go faster or slower," Knight asks. "Have you ever seen the look of pleasure on a lover’s face and slowed down what you were doing to prolong the sex? These are all forms of orgasm control."
Overall, the reason behind this regulation is to make the act last longer and the emotions more meaningful. By attempting to control the Big O, it can also make the sensation more intense, Knight says.
How do you achieve orgasm control?
Though it might seem kind of impossible—can you control a sneeze?!—Knight explains that there is a way to either fast forward or rewind the grand finale.
"Orgasm control is done by getting to the brink of orgasm, then stopping, slowing down or lessening stimulation until your arousal levels drop," she says. "Then you get back to the edge of orgasm and repeat as many times as you want."
But, as with any type of new sex trends, it's essential to be candid.
"Before trying any of this, it's important to discuss and clearly establish your boundaries with your partner—including what each of you are and aren't keen on exploring, how you'll each communicate if you don't want to take part in a specific activity, and how to respect each other's limits," Knight adds.
The benefits and negatives of orgasm control
By having a say in the matter, orgasm control can make things better between the sheets. Some of the benefits include:
- The thrill of trying something new with your S.O.
- The possibility of experiencing a more intense sensation
- Syncing your finish with your partner's
But at the same time, orgasm control can also make sensitive couples feel more stressed about sex, particularly if one partner struggles to orgasm in the first place. Should anxiety enter the equation, always reevaluate what works well for you and your partner.
The main point
"An orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of sex, nor does it define a sexual encounter," Knight says.
For more ways to make a steamy session even more pleasurable and meaningful to you and your S.O.—orgasm control or not—have a look at our expert-backed foreplay ideas and tips for what to do after sex and choose whatever strikes your fancy.
Danielle is a writer for woman&home and My Imperfect Life, covering all-things news, lifestyle and entertainment.
The heart of her time at Future has been devoted to My Imperfect Life, where she's been attuned to the cosmos and honed in on astrology coverage within the Life vertical. She's partial to writing pieces about the next big TV obsession—anyone else impatiently waiting for "Conversations with Friends"—and keeping you up to date on new trends like the latest must-have from Zara.
Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids and a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, amNewYork and Newsday, among other outlets.
When Danielle is not working, you can usually find her reading a new book, coffee at hand, or attempting a new recipe. (Recommendations always welcome!)
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