This is the best way to get over a breakup, according to relationship experts

While there are no rule books, there is *one way* to help make the hurt go away post-split

sad woman silhouette staring out the window
(Image credit: Konstantin Sud / Eyeem)

What's the best way to get over a breakup?

Though we can't snap our fingers and make the hurt disappear, there are coping mechanisms that will help make us feel like our regular selves again. But above all, relationship and dating coaches all agree that there's one factor to be mindful of while healing. And yes, it's easier than you'd think. 

What is the best way to get over a breakup?

While there aren't any instructions to follow and everyone is affected by heartbreak differently, regardless of who you are, you need to be 100% in tune with yourself and your needs when dealing with a breakup. Now more than ever, you'll have to listen to your gut and take the next steps toward finding harmony, and that will look differently for everyone.

Getting over a breakup never looks totally the same for everyone, but fortunately, the pros have a few rules for perfecting the ultimate rule: you doing you.

1. Don't rush

One day you might want to sit on the couch with a box of Kleenex. The next, you could be ready to head out and meet up with friends for dinner. Honor your timeline the way it makes sense to you, regardless of what anyone thinks.

"Give yourself grace and tow the line between pushing yourself to get out and do things you love, while giving yourself the space to rest and grieve the loss of your relationship," says Erika Kaplan, the VP of Membership at Three Day Rule Matchmaking.

Erika Kaplan headshot
Erika Kaplan

Erika Kaplan is the VP of Membership at Three Day Rule Matchmaking, an exclusive, personal dating experience available across the U.S. that promises quality connection.

2. Start journaling

Let all of your thoughts out—the good and bad. (And who knows, perhaps guided journaling could inspire a bestseller?!)

"Writing down the 'bad' stuff also helps to remind yourself of the reasons it didn't work out," says matchmaker and relationship coach Julia Bekker. "If you have the perspective that this was not right for you and someone else who is right is out there and you will find them, it will be easier to get through."

She adds, "Feel it, mourn it, write down a list of the reasons why they were not right for you to remind yourself of the 'bad' when you start missing them."

Julia Bekker headshot
Julia Bekker

The founder, matchmaker and dating coach of Hunting Maven, Julia Bekker has been in the business for 15+ years. Her goal is to connect with her clients and help them find real love and compatibility.

3. Think ahead

While we're not saying you have to fill up your 2023 planners with to-do lists and dinner reservations—though if that's what will make you happy, by all means—but you do have to start thinking about the future.

"Remember who you are and that endings bring you to new beginnings," Bekker says. "There are other people out there for you to explore. Breaking up means they were not the right person for you, and now you can find the person who is."

Likewise, Kaplan insists on listening to an age-old saying, even if it is cheesy. 

"As trite as it sounds, time heals all wounds," Kaplan notes. "It won't feel this painful forever, and there really is usually a reason that it didn't work out."

There's a reason this little adage has been around as long as breakups. 

4. Do what you love

Don't skip out on the activities that make you whole.

"Try to focus on the things you love that have nothing to do with dating or this previous relationship," Kaplan recommends. "Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, loved and supported. Dive into hobbies you enjoy."

Bekker concurs, and even suggests giving yourself a cut-off time for the grief process if necessary. Once that time has come to an end, it's time to assume a normal routine.

"When you're done mourning, get busy and social. Do thinks that bring you joy and surround yourself with feel good people and friends. When you do that you will start to feel alive and back to yourself again," she says.

Danielle Valente
Digital News Writer

Need a TV show recommendation? Maybe a few decor tips? Danielle, a digital news writer at Future, has you covered. Her work appears throughout the company’s lifestyle brands, including My Imperfect Life, Real Homes, and woman&home. Mainly, her time is spent at My Imperfect Life, where she’s attuned to the latest entertainment trends and dating advice for Gen Z.

Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids, where she got to experience the best of the city from the point of view of its littlest residents. Before that, she was a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, and amNewYork, to name a few. 

When Danielle’s not writing, you can find her testing out a new recipe, reading a book (suggestions always welcome), or rearranging the furniture in her apartment…again.