How to reset your sex life whether you’re solo or coupled, according to the experts

Need to switch things up? Experts explain how to reset your sex life—whether you're single or in a relationship

How to reset your sex life. Pictured: Shot of a woman in lingerie enjoying her lover's touch
(Image credit: Getty)

When's the right time to learn how to reset your sex life? Right now, if you ask us!

It’s easy for those in long-term relationships to settle into a routine when it comes to sex, as both parties grow more and more comfortable with one another—and sometimes even a little complacent. Alternatively, those who are single might feel like they are stuck in a rut when it comes to self-pleasure and dating. 

So, we’ve asked our merry band of sex and relationship experts to shed light on how to reset your sex life this year, no matter if you're single or coupled up, from exploring toys like the best app-controlled vibrators to trying out new foreplay ideas to openly talking about your sexual turn-ons. Here's what they had to say:

How to reset your sex life, per the experts:

Pretty woman lying in bed and enjoying in passionate pleasure

(Image credit: Getty)

How to reset your sex life: for singles

1. Make pleasure your priority

Megwyn White, a clinical sexologist and director of education at sexual wellness brand Satisfyer, says: “Start with small changes like introducing a self-care pleasure practice at least once a week. This might include masturbating, a sensual body massage, or even dancing.” (Our list of the best-reviewed sex toy can definitely help with that first one!)

It’s vital to keep up this sexual self-care regularly, too, so it becomes a habit. To help you with this, you might want to give the Lover app a try—packed with expert treatment and science-based exercises, it will get you started on a journey of sexual self-discovery.

2. Stay in touch with your own sexiness 

“For single people, it's important that they don’t shut down their own sexuality just because it can’t be expressed in the context of a relationship,” says psychotherapist Andre Radmall

After all, you don’t need other people to feel sexy—it comes from within!

Radmall adds: “There are many ways to stay in touch with solo sexiness. Long baths, perfume, self-care, dressing in a way that expresses your sexuality and even unrushed masturbation can all be helpful.”

Woman and man hugging in bed

(Image credit: Getty)

How to reset your sex life: for couples

1. Create new rituals 

All relationships need a reset from time to time to keep things interesting and more fun. White says: “Create some rituals that also get you in the mood, like baths or sensual massage or a virtual cooking class. These are great ways to work out the kinks of stress that may have been building, help you to see your lover in a new light and help in getting you into a sensual manifestation mood.”

Make a list of some of these rituals and experiences—that way you have something to come back to when you’re looking for something new to try. 

2. Explore toys and more

White also recommends trying something out of your comfort zone: "This might be a sexual wellness device, a sexy game, a role-play experiment, or even erotic fiction with your partner. Play unlocks your mind as a lover and reveals new levels of connection that you might not easily see when you get stuck in habituated sexual patterns.”

3. Make time for sex

We all lead very busy lives, so it’s easy to settle into an evening routine once you’re in a relationship..."dinner, Netflix and bed" being a pretty common one.

But Radmall says it’s important to set aside time for sex and romance: “It may feel a bit forced but if there has been no sex for a while, it takes a bit of planning to re-establish the pattern. I mention romance as it is important to establish things like touch, flirting and quality time together.”

Andre adds that it’s important not to underestimate the power of a “quickie”—fast sex can still be very pleasurable!

4. Don’t forget about foreplay

We all know that women can sometimes take a little longer to get aroused compared to men, so it's good to keep foreplay a priority.

Radmall says: “It is not necessary to go for full penetrative sex from the get-go. Maybe spend one session in intimate touching and then ramp things up in the next session or date.”

5. Get imaginative 

Anyone who wants to rekindle their sex life needs to start by thinking sexy, says Radmall. 

“We get so preoccupied with the stresses and strains of childcare, the pandemic, staying safe and the news that we literally forget to think sexy. So tune back into your own sexual feelings toward a partner or raise your awareness of people you find sexually attractive."

He adds: “Imagination can drive new ways of spicing things up in the bedroom, or the kitchen, or wherever!”

Lizzie Thomson

Lizzie is a freelance lifestyle and culture journalist who writes for titles such as, Evening Standard, Refinery29, Woman & Home, Ideal Home and Spectator Life. You'll find her looking up new restaurants and bars on Instagram or scrolling through cute dog videos. She also loves travelling, running, cooking and cross-stitching.