This is the surprisingly obvious reason you’re having bad sex lately—and how to fix it, according to an expert

No need for the anxiety, especially in the bedroom

Kim Cattrall in Sex and the City (2008)
(Image credit: AJ Pics / Alamy Stock Photo)

As it turns out, sex in 2023 hasn't been all rainbows and orgasms. While there have definitely been victories, like the speed bump sex position's rise to fame, there have also been actual speed bumps to overcome. According to a new study from Hims and Hers, which debunked sex myths floating around, the pressures of 2023 are affecting our time in bed. 

The pandemic certainly took a toll on our love lives and sex frequency, but now the wellness companies suggest that today's current political and economic climate has been more taxing than what we experienced in 2020. 

How sex in 2023 is affected by stressors

Of course, it's normal to feel stressed about sex, but the recent Hims report indicates that today's unstable environment is what's truly dimming the spark in our sex lives. 

The research, which was conducted in the U.K., indicated that 42% of respondents feel as though one political and or economic event from the past year has had a negative impact on their dating and sex lives. It further reports that 15% of those polled are cutting back on dating and 13% are cutting back on sex. The instability has rocked all areas of our lives, so much so that people feel as though they need to cut back on romance, and particularly dating. (You did hear about infla-dating, right?) 

How to improve your sex life, according to an expert

According to sex and relationship expert, Melissa Stone, it's important to decompress before embarking on any sexual activities, regardless of what's on your mind.

"Take a few minutes to write down your thoughts and have a shower to relax and be alone. This can help to reduce stress and tension and help you to relax more easily," she recommends.

And though it's not easy, learn when it's time to put down troubling thoughts and proceed with what brings you joy.

"Take a few deep breaths and focus on the present moment. As difficult as this may be with many thoughts and feelings filling your conscious part of the brain, it is best to take a step back and take a few deep breaths to remove yourself from that negative situation," she adds.  

And the best approach, like always, is honesty, so you'll have to talk about sex and communicate to your partner what's bringing you down. The only way to overcome any difficulties is to tackle them head-on, and sex therapists say that talking about sex is the key to making it better.

"Talk to your partner about how you feel to make sure they are aware. If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, talking about it with your partner can help to release some of the tension and stress and relax you, ready for a better time in the bedroom," she adds.

If you're looking to reset your sex life, have a look at our expert-backed tips and take a breather—whatever you're feeling, you'll get through it.

Meet the expert: Melissa Stone

Melissa Stone is a sex and relationship expert at Joy Love Dolls, the "world's leading authority on sexual exploration, adult toys and realistic dolls."

Danielle Valente
Digital News Writer

Need a TV show recommendation? Maybe a few decor tips? Danielle, a digital news writer at Future, has you covered. Her work appears throughout the company’s lifestyle brands, including My Imperfect Life, Real Homes, and woman&home. Mainly, her time is spent at My Imperfect Life, where she’s attuned to the latest entertainment trends and dating advice for Gen Z.

Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids, where she got to experience the best of the city from the point of view of its littlest residents. Before that, she was a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, and amNewYork, to name a few. 

When Danielle’s not writing, you can find her testing out a new recipe, reading a book (suggestions always welcome), or rearranging the furniture in her apartment…again.