Now that summer's in full swing, singles are ready to mingle. But there's one thing to avoid when dating this season, if you ask Too Hot To Handle's intimacy coach, Brenden Durell.
Meeting a potential match is exciting, and you never know when that superbloom relationship just might take shape. You deserve the feeling of butterflies but don't lose sight of what it is you truly want throughout the process of swiping and meeting for drinks. It might take a bit of time before the right match finds you.
What is the one thing to avoid when dating this summer?
It's simple: don't rush, lest you be subjected to dating burnout.
"Don't overbook yourself and schedule dates with yourself in the midst of dates with others," Durell tells us. "Every time you meet somebody, you have the mirror coming back to you, you learn things about yourself. So every date, even if it goes badly, you come back to yourself and that's wisdom to use for yourself. You get stronger and clearer for your next date."
There's no need to plan seven dates in seven days or even more if you're a serial speeder. Take the time to learn what it is that works best for you. Develop an authentic connection with those you come in contact with via dating apps or elsewhere. Things might happen quickly on reality TV, but in the real world, you're encouraged to take your time.
"You can absolutely put yourself out there and enjoy life but I would say singles: know what your standards are," Durrell adds. "Know why you're dating Know what you're out there in the field looking around. Be clear in your intention because that will set the foreground."
Durrell believes part of our impatience stems from our culture and swiping through a virtual glossary of suitors. Oftentimes quick, easy access causes us to put aesthetics first, when in fact something could develop with a person you might not have expected to click with. He recommends never discounting the slow burn.
"The apps make people chase fireworks, and look for the "boom," Durell adds. "They're seeing people for these little squares, they're not able to tap into a person's heart through a screen."
Take the time to let a connection grow before deciding how an outward appearance might shift things. And the best way to do that is to have meaningful conversations, Durrell says.
"Give people more time to express who they are and vice versa," he recommends.
Though finding a match might on the set of Too Hot To Handle might be different than what we experience out in the world, we all appreciate the fact that good things take time.
An intimacy expert, coach, mentor, and tantra guide Brenden Durell puts his expertise to good use while mentoring contestants on Netflix's Too Hot To Handle. A former baseball player, Brenden also works with professional athletes, celebrities, and leaders who are ready to dig deep. His advice has been featured in many publications, including Men’s Health, Tantra, and Breathwork.
Need a TV show recommendation? Maybe a few decor tips? Danielle, a digital news writer at Future, has you covered. Her work appears throughout the company’s lifestyle brands, including My Imperfect Life, Real Homes, and woman&home. Mainly, her time is spent at My Imperfect Life, where she’s attuned to the latest entertainment trends and dating advice for Gen Z.
Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids, where she got to experience the best of the city from the point of view of its littlest residents. Before that, she was a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, and amNewYork, to name a few.
When Danielle’s not writing, you can find her testing out a new recipe, reading a book (suggestions always welcome), or rearranging the furniture in her apartment…again.
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