We'd like to think sex is all fun and games, but orgasm anxiety has the potential to derail a euphoric moment and turn it into something worrisome. If achieving the big O threatens to ruin your romp in the sheets, let the sexperts help ease you back to satisfaction.
We're all sometimes stressed about sex for a variety of reasons, and understandably so, but activating pleasure points shouldn't be one of them. First thing's first, it's important to take a breather.
"Don’t put pressure on yourself to orgasm," says Nina Julia (B.Sc.Ed.) and founder of CFAH.org. "It doesn’t have to be the endgame of sex! Simply tell yourself to enjoy the experience and focus on achieving a general sense of pleasure instead."
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What is orgasm anxiety?
Before you address the issue of orgasm anxiety, it is important to realize that the fear is twofold. It can be either worrying about the pressure to climax or the fear of orgasming due to a lack of control or concern about the sensation.
"Both are normally due to stress and anxiety in everyday life, a history of sexual trauma, sexual shame and arguably most importantly, a lack of ability to give up control," Julia adds. "Orgasms are extremely primal, and you need to completely surrender control to experience them."
How do you deal with orgasm anxiety?
Dr. Blair, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of the Lover (opens in new tab) app, once said that the secret to really good sex is mastering the art of solo sex. This coincidentally could be the best way to rid yourself of that orgasm anxiety you might be experiencing.
"Increase self-knowledge," suggests the experts at B-Well CBD (opens in new tab)."The more comfortable and well acquainted you are with your body, the less likely you are to feel anxious during sex."
That means you'll want to find your way around your favorite spots alone before adding a partner into the equation. Playing around with various types of vibrators is certainly a good place to start, and if you're feeling a lil' bit lazy, hands-free vibrators will do the difficult work for you.
Other tips for dealing with orgasm anxiety
Naturally, if there is ever anything that isn't putting you entirely at ease, it's important to relay that sentiment to your S.O. It should be a pleasurable, trusting experience for all parties involved, and being truthful might take a weight off your shoulders (and release that tension to boot).
"Always communicate your worries and stresses with your partner," Julia says. "A problem shared is a problem halved. Along the same lines, seeing a sex therapist can also be hugely helpful, especially if you have experienced sexual trauma or negative sexual experiences in the past."
With a little help, a truthful conversation, and even a little solo exploration, you'll be back to feeling 100% when it comes to climaxing. And, in the event you're fearful of orgasming a bit too much, we'll help you deal with those orgasm headaches, too, so no sweat!
Danielle is a writer for woman&home and My Imperfect Life, covering all-things news, lifestyle and entertainment.
The heart of her time at Future has been devoted to My Imperfect Life, where she's been attuned to the cosmos, new TV shows and relationship trends.
Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids and a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, amNewYork and Newsday, among other outlets.
When Danielle is not working, you can usually find her reading a book, coffee at hand, or attempting a new recipe. (Recommendations always welcome!)
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