Are you crying after orgasming? Here's what experts say about feeling emotional after sex
'Know that it's OK to be vulnerable,' Marla Renee Stewart says about crying after orgasms, and sex in general
Intimacy can be emotional. Crying after orgasm—and crying after sex in general—isn't necessarily unheard of. In fact, the phenomenon is pretty common, just like when we find our legs shaking after sex.
Whether we're experiencing physical or physiological reactions, the deed can be as wonderful as it is mysterious. If you're looking to get to the bottom of these happenings, allow the sexperts to provide all of the need-to-know details.
Crying after orgasm, according to the sexperts
There's no need to panic. There are plenty of reasons for shedding a few tears after sex and orgasm. But should this become a common effect, you might want to dig deeper and speak to your gynecologist about what's going on.
Why are we crying after sex and orgasms?
Daniel Sher, clinical psychologist and sex therapist at Between Us Clinic, previously told My Imperfect Life that postcoital dysphoria (the clinical term for crying after sex) is something nearly half of men experience once, and the same goes for women. But why? Well, there are a number of explanations.
“For starters, having sex means making yourself vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. This can result in a drop in happy hormones (oxytocin and dopamine) post-orgasm," he says. "Furthermore, for people who have depression or relationship issues, sexual intimacy can stir up earlier experiences of distress or abandonment, which can result in a dip in mood after the act."
Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sexologist at Lovers, agrees that there are many factors that cause us to get a little weepy.
"It can be a combination of a bunch of things," she says. "Sometimes people cry after orgasm because they have an intense emotional connection or reaction, or even possibly healing. Usually, it's more psychological in nature."
But it could also be a red flag, and it's important to be honest with yourself so you can pinpoint the difference.
"There could be a disconnection. If someone is supposed to be feeling connected and they don't that can also elicit crying after sex," Stewart adds.
If you feel as though you and your loved one are not quite on the same page under the sheets, have a look at our expert-backed tips for how to reset your sex life.
Marla is a sexologist at Velvet Lips, Lovers and a lecturer in gender and women's studies at Clayton State University. She's also written for a variety of academic publications and presenter at conferences. Above all, her goal is to get people in touch with their body, mind and spirit.
Dr. Sher has been trained to work therapeutically with people who have a wide range of psychiatric conditions. He provides neuropsychological assessments and diabetes-focused therapy and coaching.
What are the pros and cons of crying after sex and orgasms?
There are plenty of rewards to reap from a grand finale, from experiencing multiple orgasms and blended orgasms, to the unexpected health benefits of pleasure, including a good night's sleep and glowing skin. But even when we get a little sensitive, there's something worth appreciating.
"[A pro] is the benefit of the release and getting all of your emotions and expressions out," Stewart says. "The cons are usually around partners and they might not know how to respond to the crying."
How to deal with crying after sex and orgasms
Whether you're with a partner or testing out the best sex toys in your collection solo when to start to get a little teary-eyed, the most important thing to realize is that you're entitled to your feelings.
"Know that it's OK to be vulnerable," Stewart insists.
If there's another party involved, honesty is key. Experts say talking about sex is the key to making it better, so you'll want to alert your S.O. on what you're feeling.
But above all, make sure you are comfortable with your emotions.
"You might have some shame or stigma," Stewart says about reasons for crying after sex. "Being able to work through that through therapy and finding some acceptance can help."
Do be sure to also know what works for you: Sexperts have just tackled the most Googled questions about masturbation for those who are curious. Self-love is oftentimes a taboo topic, but in reality, it's a healthy and encouraged asset to wellness routines and is responsible for women's most intense orgasms, and self-exploration could be the key to figuring out what truly makes you tick before getting a partner involved.
Need a TV show recommendation? Maybe a few decor tips? Danielle, a digital news writer at Future, has you covered. Her work appears throughout the company’s lifestyle brands, including My Imperfect Life, Real Homes, and woman&home. Mainly, her time is spent at My Imperfect Life, where she’s attuned to the latest entertainment trends and dating advice for Gen Z.
Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids, where she got to experience the best of the city from the point of view of its littlest residents. Before that, she was a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, and amNewYork, to name a few.
When Danielle’s not writing, you can find her testing out a new recipe, reading a book (suggestions always welcome), or rearranging the furniture in her apartment…again.
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