The big O isn't a guarantee, and sometimes the effects of anorgasmia in women can make sexy activities seem more like a chore.
It's not uncommon to feel stressed about sex, but there are certainly ways to work on it. Here's everything you need to know about dealing with anorgasmia and taking back your pleasure.
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Anorgasmia in women: what is it?
According to Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for Lovehoney, anorgasmia is the medical term for regular difficulty reaching orgasm after ample sexual stimulation, which in turn can have negative effects on you and your partner.
"There are different types of anorgasmia and there are many different physiological, psychological and social [reasons]," says Isabelle Uren, web editor and content creator for BedBible.com. "It's always important to look into what could be causing it to determine how to treat it."
Regardless, the pros are determined to help patients move past anorgasmia and reduce their orgasm anxiety, though it might take some work.
The causes of anorgasmia
Every person is different, and as a result, so is every case of anorgasmia. According to Mayo Clinic, a few culprits for the medical phenomenon include:
- Change in medications
- Genealogical diseases
- Alcohol and drug consumption
- Mental health struggles (body issues)
- Sexual trauma
- Disconnect with a partner
- Lack of trust with a partner
What gynecologists want you to know is that you have to be honest about your symptoms in order to move past the issues, but progress is certainly possible.
Ways to treat anorgasmia
1. Stop pressuring yourself
Everyone seems to think that orgasms are the endgame, but there's more to sex than the finale. Stop conditioning yourself to believe that you need to recreate iconic sex scenes from the movies— they're fictional for a reason.
"Being too focused on having an orgasm can result in performance anxiety that exacerbates the problem," Uren recommends. "Instead, focus on enjoying different pleasurable sensations in your body and letting that feeling build naturally."
2. Don't look for a magic number
We want everything to be black and white, but rather than succumb to societal expectations in intimate relationships, just do whatever works well for you and your partner. The magic numbers aren't magical for everyone, and that's OK.
3. Seek medical attention
If there has been a lifestyle change that is causing you to have difficulties and stress in bed, it may be time to see a doctor. It's better to be overly cautious and get help from a professional than try to diagnose the problem yourself.
4. Try a new self-love routine
"Make masturbation a regular part of your self-care routine," Uren says. "Spend some time exploring your body to find out what type of touch you enjoy and where. You can also try deep breathing techniques and mindful masturbation."
Have a look at the different types of vibrators available.
"Try experimenting with a strong, rumbly vibrator or clitoral suction stimulator during solo or partner play to see if that gives you the boost you need to climax," Uren adds.
5. Try seeing a therapist
Should your anorgasmia stem from a frightening experience, seek guidance from a professional to help you deal with PTSD. Should you at any point feel concerned about your well-being, reach out to organizations like RAINN that work to combat sexual assault and violence.
6. Be open with your partner
Talking about sex is the best way for partners to get on the same page, and experts say it makes the deed all the more enticing. Do you truly want to be intimate with someone who won't listen to your thoughts and needs—in bed and beyond?
"A couple needs to work together to treat anorgasmia—that means better communication," Knight says.
6. Try something new with your partner
Much like your self-love routine, sex with a loved one can also benefit from a few changes every now and then.
“Mix things up," Knight suggests. "Lots of couples get stuck in a sex rut where they do the same old things time again. If you eat the same food every night, it soon gets boring. Why do you think sex is any different?"
(Psst: the best sex tips from experts will help do the trick.)
Now that you have a better understanding, we just have one question: anorgasmia who? It's time to reset your sex life so that it's everything you want and more.
Need a TV show recommendation? Maybe a few decor tips? Danielle, a digital news writer at Future, has you covered. Her work appears throughout the company’s lifestyle brands, including My Imperfect Life, Real Homes, and woman&home. Mainly, her time is spent at My Imperfect Life, where she’s attuned to the latest entertainment trends and dating advice for Gen Z.
Before her time at Future, Danielle was the editor of Time Out New York Kids, where she got to experience the best of the city from the point of view of its littlest residents. Before that, she was a news editor at Elite Daily. Her work has also appeared in Domino, Chowhound, and amNewYork, to name a few.
When Danielle’s not writing, you can find her testing out a new recipe, reading a book (suggestions always welcome), or rearranging the furniture in her apartment…again.
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